EDITORIAL

I have been unable to write this issue for a long time now, due to some annoying squirrels that eat my PC every time I turn my back. The rabid squirrels consider these attacks to be destroying the enemy intelligence, and it is very frustrating. I am planning to get my own back tonight however, by cutting down their favourite oak tree. Ah ha ha ha (evil laughter). The Rabid Squirrel Slayers cannot lose this war!

The Master Hunter

theMaster@RabidSquirrels.co.uk

www.RabidSquirrels.co.uk

MOSES IMPOSTOR?

Researchers for the RSS have discovered that Moses was in fact a rabid squirrel. This may come as quite a shock to many of you but when you think about it, it makes sense. I mean, squirrels are afraid of water and so Moses Squirrel parted the sea to walk through perfectly dry. Many people consider this event to be a miracle, but our inside information proves that to part the water Moses just built two massive dams out of acorns.

ENLARGING THE BARRACKS

Due to increasing numbers of volunteers wanting to join the RSS, we have expanded to two divisions. This means some long-standing members have been promoted, but also new members who got exceptional test scores have been given prominent positions.

OPERATION CODENAME SQUEEK X

'Squeek X' is a tree house of vital importance to the rabid squirrels. Most of their advanced weaponry is produced here, and knocking it out could be a turning point in the war. Therefore - on the 30th April the RSS are planning a top-secret raid on this tree. With three agents available we outnumber the tree 3 to 1, and with tactics like the clever pincer movement we have developed, we are unbeatable! Expect a report on the outcome later.

QUIZ

For an up to date analysis of who our best officers are, I expect you all to reply to this e-mail with the answers. Good luck!

1. 20m in front of you is a rabid squirrel sitting in a tree with its back facing you. How do you get rid of it?

a) Shoot it with your sniper rifle.

b) Lob a grenade.

c) Sneak up on it and strangle the monster.

2. You are happily driving your car down a busy road when you notice in your wing mirror that a squirrel driver is following you. What do you do?

a) Suddenly brake so it crashes into the back of you.

b) Speed up to try and lose it.

c) Lob a grenade out of the sunroof.

3. Walking through the park one day minding your own business, you spot a red dot from a laser sight focussing on you. What do you do?

a) Carry on walking.

b) Dive to one side hoping he misses.

c) Kill everyone in the park in case they are a squirrel in disguise.

Answers next issue.

That is all for this time, if you can please contribute a short article for the next issue. Goodbye and happy hunting.

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(c) Rabid Publications