EDITORIAL

Our numbers are still growing, but judging by the high test scores we are a very specialised group (no one has ever got less than ½ marks). It is a shame one of us is treacherous and in fact works for the rabid squirrels (see below). I will be taking further action to find the impostor, until then trust no one (except maybe your friends, family, pets, the police I suppose, oh well trust quite a lot of people then).

The Master Hunter

theMaster@RabidSquirrels.co.uk

www.RabidSquirrels.co.uk

OPERATION CODENAME SQUEEK X - RESULTS

I am unhappy to report that 'Squeek X' was a complete disaster! We had three of our best agents on the case, yet only one returned. He is in the medical bay at the moment, raving about acorns...

The plan was to capture a rabid squirrel base in which top-secret weapons are manufactured. This tree is normally left with only one or two guards, yet it appears the rabid squirrels were given a tip, as the tree was heavily guarded and well prepared for the attack. Taken by surprise, our poor agents were ruthlessly beaten with sticks. There was no way they could have successfully overtaken the tree with the resistance there and so the mission was abandoned. The two agents that did not make it back are believed to be captured - a rescue attempt may be made soon. How the rabid squirrels found out about the attack in advance, I do not know. However, I believe we have a traitor in the ranks.

SQUIRREL MAYHEM

We have reason to believe that the squirrels seem to be multiplying faster than ever. Just last week there were numerous reports of squirrel attacks on innocent citizens. There was also a power shortage due to the power lines being cut. Investigators say that the marks on the power lines resemble the tooth marks of squirrels. We are now currently developing an anti-squirrel spray for the protection of the people and ourselves. Hopefully this will eliminate some of the squirrel problems in the world. Agent Ma

SQUIRREL ANTICS RUIN PCS!

Information has come into this office that acorn computers contain squirrels ready to attack armed with swords and spades (don't ask me, I just write the stuff). Their fiendish little toothy plan was discovered when a disk was ejected and contained traces of nuts and nude squirrel pictures from the internet. A computer virus "kill those damned squirrels" has now been released and they have been destroyed.

fight to live

live to eat

eat to get fat

Agent Hayman

QUIZ ANSWERS

Refer to last issue for questions...

1. a) Accurate and deadly - the perfect weapon. 2pts

b) Nasty, but you have to be a good shot. 1pt

c) Squirrels have excellent hearing, you would be torn to pieces the second it noticed you. 0pts

2. a) This should take care of the squirrel, but what traffic jams! 1pt

b) Squirrels are clever, cunning, etc. You will not lose it. 0pts

c) A grenade will take out his car without annoying other motorists - great. 2pts

3. a) You will DIE. 0pts

b) As you do not know where the squirrel is, you are best off running away and coming back better prepared. 2pts

c) Think about it - children play in parks - do you really want to do this? 1pt

Ratings:

5-6 points~ Amazing, you know your rabid squirrels (and how to kill them).

4 points~ Good score, I bet the squirrels hate you!

2-3 points~ Not bad, but you need to do a bit more research on rodents.

0-1 points~ Oh dear, do you know what a rabid squirrel is?

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?

For this issues quiz, I simply want you to tell me what happens next. Easy, eh?

One of the most elite members of the RSS (lets call him Todd) is commencing his training. This consists of an obstacle course, a shooting range and stopping at the canteen for a meal. He does the obstacle course in his best time ever, probably thinking about the delicious rock cakes available in the canteen. Todd then exhausts his ammunition supply by being a crack shot in the shooting range. On his way to the canteen he looks up and spots a strange object in the sky. Using his binoculars Todd realises this is a hang gliding rabid squirrel armed with bombs. He has 30 seconds until it reaches him (time to get to any one of the three training areas). What does he do?

E-mail your answers to me.

##Vol.5.Iss.2##Issue.Complete##Terminating.Connection##

(c) Rabid Publications